I was talking to my friend Gary via text message and told him I was writing for my website.

Me: Need topic for article. Thoughts?

Gary: How to get out of a relationship.

Me: Well ok. But kind of broad. Narrow?

Gary: Without hurting your partner?

Me: Hmmmm. Ok. Give me one way.

Gary: You can’t. That’s my point. That’s the end of your piece.

He makes an astute observation that’s alluded the rest of the world.

Surely you’ve heard people say they want to do this or they want to do that, but that they won’t because they don’t want to hurt the other person involved.

Sorry folks. There will be anger and sadness as a relationship ends. It’s a given and you’re not going to get away from this fact.

It’s going to hurt both people and probably a few possible extraneous others like family or friends. Making a change to something that has been a constant factor in your life is going to leave a void. It’s going to be tough for the person who makes the ultimate decision to “slip out the back Jack” and for the person left in the home.

And if you’re unhappy or not treating your partner with respect because you “don’t want to to hurt him or her” by ending the relationship, then you’re really just doing yourself a disservice and showing how little respect you actually have for yourself. It’s your self-worth that’s suffering. You’re telling yourself that you’re not worth happiness and the best that life has to offer you.

You want to end it? Do what is best for you and truest to who you are. Know yourself. If it’s best for you to yank everything apart at the seams and dash away, then do that. If you’re slow and want to make sure everything is all ready as a safety net before you go, then so be it.

Some people actually find that the best decision is the one that goes against their immediate nature. One boyfriend I had became a friend after we stopped dating, despite the explosive ways our romantic relationship ended. But as time went on, the new phases in our relationship became riddled with mini-drama. There was an unhealthy pattern I didn’t like. He would perceive a wrong against him, send long emotional emails, say mean things, and then tell me or others to get lost and that he was done with me or them. A recent incident involving me led to telling me to “f*** off” and that he was disappearing from my life. Normally, I might want to ease back on a relationship to spare pain to me or the other person. But in this case, having him vanish was best.

So, whether you’ve been married for 20 years, dating for two months, friends for one year, or siblings for 50 years, if it’s time to go then it’s time to go.

Just hop on the bus, Gus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=298nld4Yfds