Wild One, a contributor for sipandgogirl.com, and I have talked a lot about men. I love her insight because she’s less of an overthinker than I am. Both of us are very practical and down to earth but she’s less emotional than I am.

She sent me a text during an August 2012 conversation about not knowing the motivations of men.

Guys need to be like pop up videos with captions that we can read about what’s going on in the inside.

While it seems like a cool notion, it’s not really. The reason it’s not so great is because even if we were able to read people’s thoughts, those thoughts would probably not be totally accurate. That’s because people think they want or mean something.

But they don’t.

Fill in these bubbles with what a person is really thinking when he or she speaks

Steven Pinker’s 2007 book The Stuff of Thought: Language as a Window into Human Nature talks about that very notion. He says language is about negotiating around a relationship. When you talk to someone, you’re assuming the two of you have some type of relationship that your conversation might affect. That’s why people tip-toe around some subjects.

“Would you like to come upstairs to see my etchings?” is one example. It’s the infamous line that has been around for ages. It’s a thinly-veiled offer from a man to his date that he wants the person to join him in his home to partake in pleasures of the flesh.

“Pleasures of the flesh” is my phrase that means “have sex.” I’m using it because you and I might not have the type of relationship in which I feel comfortable saying “get it on” or using the f-word. See, I’m not even comfortable using the actual f-word with you, even in jest.

But let’s say the man using the question about the etchings were to instead say 10 minutes after meeting someone, “Come to my apartment and get our freak on/ do it/ f***.” Unless this dialogue was taking place in a porn movie or bar filled with completely drunk and over-the-top frisky people, it might result in a wide-eyed look and slap in the face.

Sure we say we wish people would be more direct with us when they talk. But overall, no, we don’t really want that. We want people to respect the relationships we have or might have.

When you know the person’s personality and have reached a certain degree of familiarity, you’re more likely to speak your mind. That’s why friends or lovers fight or become angry or distant with each other. We tend to be freer and less guarded with our words with people we are close to or even love. Sometimes we say or share too much and let it affect us.

During my text message conversation with Wild One, she amended her wish for pop-up balloons around men’s heads to read their thoughts.

Wait. That might be too distracting. And would leave no room for mystery.

Exactly! What would she and I do with our time if we knew EXACTLY what everyone meant when they spoke?