How many times have you said “I have intimacy issues,” heard someone say he or she has a fear of intimacy or that they know a person who’s afraid of getting too close?

I know of one person who never said that: Pa Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie.

Behold the clipped-on ribbon trim in my hair. It’s my Laura Ingalls braids.

I was a big fan of the TV show. I used to pretend I was Laura Ingalls and clipped brown ribbon onto my short hair except during the season when eldest daughter Mary went blind. Then I pretended I was her so I could act out the dramatic scene when she actually loses her sight.

The show centered around the Ingalls family living in rural Minnesota during the 1870s. I loved how emotional and close the family members were. Pa was always laughing or crying. And despite Mary yelling at Ma once and essentially calling her a whore, they always talked it out, embraced, and life went on. Nobody was paranoid about appearing vulnerable and Laura didn’t talk trash to one sister about another sister.

In real life I was very cautious about letting down my guard. Despite being incredibly sensitive, I kept a certain distance from people. My friend Kathy once told me during high school I was kind of cold. I wasn’t into hugging or sharing my emotions.

I learned this protectiveness from my family. I had a good childhood and I know I was loved, but there was a wall between me and some family members. As I’ve grown older, nosier, and wiser, I have learned some family members’ childhoods contained never-addressed pain and in some cases they too had family members who kept their walls up.

I also learned people fear intimacy because

Cast of Little House on the Prairie’s Ingalls family

• they’re worried they’ll be rejected or the other person will leave the relationship earlier than he or she wants them to or
• they’re worried about a loss of control. They don’t want to lower the gates because they’re worried the other person will storm the castle and take over.

As I learned more about my family, more about psychology, and more about myself, I slowly started losing the fear of exposure. The fear-of-intimacy chain in my family bloodline has ended with me.