We get paranoid when we’re insecure about something. We’re also apt to believe what people say much quicker than we might normally. Or, sometimes we hang on desperately to someone’s advice when we’re unsure about ourselves.

I was talking with a networking colleague when Luci suggested that the reason I wasn’t receiving attention from potential employers or other connections was because a former employer might be giving me a bad reference. It had been a strange last seven days both personally and professionally and when she said that, a strange heavy feeling grew in my stomach.

I grew very worried. How do I stop this? What did I do? Maybe this is why I hadn’t heard about some freelance writing I had been asked to do. I kind of began to panic. I needed advice.

I contacted two people I consider wise. I sent a text to my best friend Randy who’s also a manager at a former workplace. I also talked on the phone with a friend and journalism colleague connected to one of my potential writing jobs. He’s also a paranoid person.

They both told me essentially the same thing but for different reasons: “No you are not being bad-mouthed.”

If these two wise and street-smart people say I’m being paranoid, then perhaps I was. I felt better but also a little blue. Why had I suddenly become paranoid that someone was out to get me and giving a bad reference? And why did I need backup to tell me nothing of the sort was happening?

I was insecure about things at the moment.

We see this happen with people in romantic relationships too. They’re unsure what the situation is with someone. Does he like me? Does she want to be with me? So, sometimes people hang on every word of advice a friend or family member gives them.

“Oh sure she wants to be with you. She’s at her ex-boyfriend’s house all weekend merely because he’s helping her with a knitting project,” they say to alleviate their friends’ worries.

Is someone watching me? Or talking about me? Rockwell would say yes. I say no.

While we all should feel close enough to people to ask them for advice and feedback, their advice and feedback shouldn’t be what makes the decisions for us. We must be smart and confident enough to assess our own situations.

In my case, I just needed the validation from two people objective enough to speak about the situation but subjective enough to understand my state of mind and personality to say “To be honest Sip and Go Girl I think the manager in question has bigger and more pressing things to worry about than giving you a bad reference.”

So, while I needed trusted people to offer their counsel, I also needed to step back and know myself.