Archive for Contributors

When the “I” Becomes “We”

I’ve never been married. I’ve never really been close to getting married, but these days I’m dating a man who just might be my future husband.

Most of my adult life I thought about what it would be like to make that commitment, although I must admit a lot of those thoughts focused on wedding dresses, a ring, reception colors, bridesmaids. I thought about, you know, the fun wedding stuff.

Now that I’m older, I realize there’s a lot more to getting married than that one special day. Even now as he and I progress in our relationship, the I’s are slowly becoming We’s.
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Tales From Sip And Go Girl: “Mo”

I would never claim great fame in the town where I live. That would be a lie. But I tend to run into a lot of people I know at unexpected places. I have also run into people I don’t really know. One reason is because I am Sip and Go Girl. I talk to a lot of people seen and unseen.

I was at Starbucks after church yet again one Sunday morning when a fella named Mo recognized me from my time as a denizen of the online dating community. He and I had chatted online via email but never made plans to go anywhere for a sip and go. Now, here he was at my usual Sunday Starbucks.

“Hey I know you….,” he said
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Be There Or Be Square

How long is too long when it comes to waiting for your date? Five minutes? 15 minutes?

30 minutes?

30 minutes seems to be the most common answer I get from the majority of men and women. I will have to agree. When you are punctual for a » Read more..

The Sun Will Rise

A line from one of my favorite Kelly Clarkson songs seems especially relevant lately. It’s from her song “The Sun Will Rise,” on her Stronger album.

“… Somehow my clouds disappeared, somehow I made it here, maybe just so you could hear me say the sun will rise.”

I’ve seen my fair share of heartbreak. Around this time last year I was in a totally different space still devastated from my latest breakup and disappointment from a person I’d spent years loving and giving my whole heart to. It took me a while to climb out of that coma, but I’m happy to say it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
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Gray Shadows And Bright Lights

Sometime during my teens I watched the 1986 movie “Soul Man” starring C. Thomas Howell. He played a spoiled rich fella who, in order to get into Harvard after his wealthy family refused to pay for college, ingested drugs to make his skin darken. He thus looked African American and became eligible for a minority scholarship.

One of the scenes that resonated with me involved a white woman–played by Melora Hardin later of the television show “The Office”– who made it a mission to hook up with men of color.

She says dramatically to Howell’s character while she’s seducing him that she doesn’t see black or white, only shades of gray.


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Country Girl At Heart

I like cities. I like the parts of my identity that they stimulate. They say, “Ooh la la. I am busy. I am important. I am educated.”

I love London. It’s rich in history and tradition and pomp and circumstance. I like Miami. It twists and turn with culture and electricity. The food and the lights both entice and delight me.

But cities don’t speak to me generally. They don’t actually talk to me. I feel their energy and love it. But the energy often flashes on its way somewhere else twirling around me in a kaleidoscope of colors.

The ocean, which I love, does speak to me. The ocean says it’s happy I am there and opens little crevasses to microcosmic worlds of crustaceans and plants. The ocean lets me hang out for a while but like I’m a guest. The ocean expects me to leave. It wishes me well each time I am baptized in the salt water and looks forward to seeing me again.

The green grass of Wyoming

But the moment on that day in June when I crossed under the arch to a ranch in Wyoming– despite the darkness– the land began speaking. But it had different things to say than what the ocean shares with me.

The hills are drenched in early summer deep intoxicating green. The grass ripples and ebbs and flows with the wind like an ocean. In Wyoming, peaking sedimentary rocks jut from the tops of scraggly hills. Treeless ridges are covered with grass that looks like velvet and some hills are covered in evergreens. Long lengths of wooden X shaped fences form seemingly useless barriers against what I assume are cold, white snows that blast through during winter and sometimes deep into spring.

Water is everywhere running and dripping down moist hillsides for irrigation. The confluence of two creeks create a constant sound of life and movement.

I didn’t want the land on this Wyoming ranch to talk to me. It knows that. So it first embraced me to make sure I was safe and comfortable enough to accept its message.

Irrigating the Wyoming land

It hasn’t let go of that embrace. It kept me held tight while I took in the sight, sound, smell, feel of the land. And then it started whispering with more urgency to make sure I understood.

It says “Welcome Home.”

Tales From Sip And Go Girl: “Darryl”

This is an unusual “Tale From Sip and Go Girl” for several reasons. One, I’m using the full name of the gentleman in question. Two, it’s not a real date. It’s only one I thought I had.

The “Tale from Sip and Go Girl” is the column nearly every Thursday that takes you along on a date I had sometime in my life that more often than not led to nowhere.

I was trying to remember a last minute lunch engagement I had years ago during college with a fellow journalism student who became a reporter for a good-sized newspaper after we graduated.

I write down nearly everything in a calendar that also serves as a diary or journal. I was sure I could find the name of this journalism student with whom I shared a sip and go.

I was flipping through those notebooks for information regarding the student when I ran across a name I had written.

“Call Darryl Compton.”
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Too Much Information

I recently prepared an exam for students in my media communications class. It’s a multiple choice test with two essay questions. At some point during the process, I realized four hours had passed and I still had more notes to pore over before I completed the exam. Not only that, I still had proofreading and copy editing that would follow the exam construction.

First page of an exam taking me too long to design

First page of an exam taking me too long to design

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Losing My Identity

I don’t lose things. I don’t leave my cell phone on store counters, I don’t misplace my keys, and I certainly don’t lose my driver license. But now it seemed to have happened.

It was annoying but eventually led to a glorious realization.

Fulltime traditional jobs weren’t coming to fruition, a vandal drizzled chocolate syrup on the windshield of my car, my cat Saffron found a little brown bat on the balcony and brought it into my bed as a plaything. Several rabies shots and mandatory emergency room visits later, I was looking at debt for the first time in my life because also for the first time in my life I lacked health insurance.
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Just A Warning: Jealous People Might Contact You

My ex-boyfriend John has friended and unfriended me many times on Facebook. Thus, I wasn’t shocked when he unfriended me again recently. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head.

Then I received a personal message from him:

[Unfriending you] was for your own protection. Seriously. The woman. She began to show a very mean, possessive and jealous streak and has begun contacting FB friends. You and about six other females were deleted. Nothing personal. All passwords have been changed just in case. So fed up with dating.

One might find this terribly dramatic and shocking except this is not the first time I have been warned by a man about the possibility of a woman contacting me.

Who's calling? A jealous person.

Who’s calling? A jealous person.

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