Do something you want to do.

That’s what my therapist told me as I sat sobbing on her couch during one of our bi-weekly sessions.

It has been about eight months since I stopped going to see her and I can tell I’m so much stronger and healthier than I was then. But I still struggle with those words to this day.

I’ve lived almost my entire life trying to please others: my parents, my boyfriends my teachers, my bosses. I realized during therapy that I’d put myself pretty low on the totem pole of priorities. So being faced with the challenge of doing something I wanted was a little daunting.

I need to do something for myself…

I know, it sounds so simple. But I didn’t even know where to start. What did I really enjoy doing and what had I been doing for the sake of others? Did I really like watching soccer and basketball or was I doing it because that was the only way I could spend time with my then-boyfriend? Did I really like my career or was I just doing it to please my parents? It took a while to sort through my actual likes and dislikes and I’m still learning about myself every day.

This past weekend was surprisingly low key and a rarity in my life. I work 50+ hours a week and travel back and forth to visit a long distance boyfriend. I sat in my apartment twiddling my thumbs and thinking of things to do. The opportunities were endless and were up to me and only me. It was great.

I’m thankful I took the time to seek help in seeking myself. It’s nice to finally do things I want to do!