According to national surveys, 25% of women and 30% of men regard violence as normal in romantic relationships.
Why do people think violence is ordinary?
Some academics and observers blame media. TV (including news) and movies invite people to accept violence as a natural and inevitable feature in the daily lives of women. Danger lurks in the form of a date rape drug and the streets are full of males who randomly kill females.
The message is that women need to self-regulate if they’re to avoid becoming victims of violent crimes. If there’s anger or hate against them, they must be at fault and thus have to responsible for protecting themselves right? Women are the ones expected to be the change agents.
So there are self-defense classes, warnings about wearing provacative clothing and accepting a free drink at a bar, plus forwarded–and false–emails about locking car doors at gas stations so gang members going through initiations can’t slip into vehicles to rape women.
Not every woman is going to be a victim of a horrendous attack. But for some of those who are, they are attacked by someone they know, trust, and often who they love.
It happens through mental, emotional, and physical abuse.
There are at least three possible ways to reduce gendered violence. Overall, start with kids.
Scuba divers Drew, Ashley, & Kandie. A man against whom Ashley had a restraining order shot and killed her December 2012
One way is to lobby television broadcast and cable networks to limit the amount of portrayed violence against women.
By the age of eighteen, a child has watched 19,000 hours of television. They’ll have witnessed thousands of violent acts. Many of these acts are against women. It’s not a surprise that 25% of women and 30% of men regard violence in relationships as normal.
The second way to reduce gendered violence is to instill in elementary schools and other places a program, or at least guidelines, in regards to gender sensitivity. Using the word fag to insult someone for being effeminate is not cool. Sometimes sensitivity and understanding is not taught in the home. Therefore, schools and other organizations must help children respect each other.
By utilizing a type of curriculum that explains and discusses gender to boys, girls, parents and guardians; hopefully people will find a raised consciousness and an awareness of potentially destructive behavior.
Third, assertiveness training should be conducted for girls, and possibly boys, around 11-years-old. This age appears to be when girls lose most of their joie de vive and drop dramatically in self-esteem levels.
I know 18-year-olds and 23-year-olds (like Ashley in the photo) killed at the hands of boyfriends and ex boyfriends. I fear for not only continued deadly cycles but also for the entrapment of girls and women in relationships where they’re belittled and told they’re not good enough or smart enough.
Change the future with me.
Sources: Carter, C., Branston, G, and Allan, S. (Eds.) (1998). News, gender and power. New York, NY: Routledge.
Wood, J. T. (2003). Gendered lives: Communication, gender, and culture. Belmont, CA: Thomson/Wadsworth.
