I was sitting with a coworker recapping her busy weekend. She just recently started hanging out with a new guy and so far things are going great. She’s happy, excited and just plain smitten. I haven’t seen her smile this much in months.
She was sitting relaxed in her office chair, looking up with a smile as she recounted each event with diligent accuracy to make sure she didn’t miss any detail. But she suddenly stopped and said, “It was a perfect weekend, and I’m really happy. But I did something bad. I broke the rules.”
I looked at her with raised eyebrows and a smirk until I realized she wasn’t talking about THOSE naughty rules. She was talking about the rules we read in self-help books or on dating websites. Those are the rules that tell women to play hard to get, don’t say yes to the first offer, don’t text him back until at least 30 minutes have passed, and don’t wear your hair pulled back because he might think you’re uptight. That last one I made up but I’m sure some book somewhere actually says that.
Some words of advice are helpful when the time comes to “play the game.” If you’re looking for a serious and committed relationship, playing hard to get never really hurt anyone. There’s definitely something to be said about holding back on the physical stuff, especially in the beginning.
However, it’s possible to be so focused on the “rules,” that you lose the spontaneity and excitement that often comes with a new relationship. I had a girlfriend in college who would bring her book of “rules” to the dining hall after a date and we’d all sit there and go over them all to make sure she was making the right moves. In hindsight, it a tad obsessive don’t you think?
When it comes to dating, there’s really no right or wrong ways to do it. No official rule book can guide you through the process. So maybe the best way to navigate through the beginning stages of a relationship is to take the best from both worlds. Set some guidelines for yourself but be open to compromise. Maybe by creating your own rules, you’ll enjoy the journey and the outcome that much more!
Modern dating, with so many sources of advice, is like a blindfolded walk through a minefield. I agree with your advice. Set your own rules for yourself. If the person you are on a date with can’t live with your rules, then they are not the right person for you.
Ever been to London, Lower East Side, beginning of winter? I was but you would never belive me how I found myself there. I really don’t belive it myself. You see I am a priviate detective and one night I am at a warehouse on the docks of New York more or less guarding a rather large package for a client. Not the standard job but I needed the money and the money was good for this job. My instructions were simple. Well looking back I should have known better. Nothing is simple….