Closure. It’s something many of us seek after a relationship has ended. But not all of us find it.

Until a few days ago, I thought I was one of the lucky few who has slowly but surely tied up the loose ends of my past and moved forward. Again, that was up until a few days ago. That’s when my college boyfriend starting following me on Twitter.

Sounds harmless because we broke up five years ago. But the move is significant when you know his now-fiancee’ banned him from contact with me about two years ago and we ended our rocky five-year college relationship on not-so-great terms.

Shortly after that notification popped up, he sent me a message asking if we could “catch up.” Flags started flying because I did the math and know he’s getting married in eight months. I agreed to “catch up” via email. I figured he needed closure.

I was right. What followed was an incredibly long email that centered around a text message I sent him more than a year ago. Back then, I’d just ended another incredibly painful relationship and was trying to tie up our past and alleviate guilt associated with it. I told him “the way I ended things will always be one of my biggest regrets.”

I never even knew if he received the text because he didn’t respond. Until the other day. This email from him ended with an “I miss you.” I think he’s struggling in his relationship and may be having doubts about taking the marital plunge.

This all got me thinking about my past, our past, the five years I spent loving this man unconditionally, and about how even at 17 and 18 years old we still loved each other so incredibly much.

But I also thought about all of the suffering because of our immaturity and, at the time, his fear of commitment. I thought long and hard about my response. I sat down at my laptop and typed an incredibly long email.

I detailed my thoughts and feelings surrounding our relationship, breakup, that text message, his pending marriage, and my current relationship. The poor guy will probably have to take a day off from work just to read it all.

But the gist of it was to tell him I hold no ill will against him, I wish him happiness, we did love each other passionately for several years, and that there’s a reason the timing was never right because everything happens for a reason. I applauded him for maturing and fully committing to his fiancee.

I told him I’m in a much better place physically and emotionally than when I sent that text. I also extended an offer of friendship.

When I hit send, I had an overwhelming sense of relief and calm.

I haven’t heard back from him, but I hope I was able to offer what he was seeking. Closure. As it turns out, he wasn’t the only one who needed it.