I tend to view my old boyfriends like old sweaters. Thanks for the great times, but you’re too worn so I’m tossing you out or donating you to someone else. You don’t fit me anymore so there’s no need to keep in touch.
It’s usually easier said than done to cut ties with someone you’ve shared intimate parts of your life with, but I’ve always found it easier to move forward that way. I give lots of credit to those who can do the whole “let’s still be friends” thing and actually follow through with it.
For me, there are usually too many emotions and too many lingering memories that would cloud my ability to look at another person with a clear and open mind. It’s like pulling off a bandage. It hurts in the very beginning but at least it’s quick. Plus, I think it also makes things tough for future partners when they know a huge part of that person’s dating past is in the present.
Now, obviously there are some scenarios where totally cutting ties is unrealistic. Sometimes there are kids are involved, you have all the same close friends, work together, etc. Maybe the breakup wasn’t that messy and it really is possible to move on with that person playing some type of role in your life. And I do have a few exes like that.
I guess I’m referring to the heartbreaks. Those are the ones that made you cry for days and lose 5 pounds because you were too upset to eat (given how much I like to eat, that breakup was a doozy!). I have two of those in my dating past.
One is now engaged and lives across the country.
The other followed me to another state a few months after I finally put my foot down and cut the cord. That happened once I realized our 2.5 years together consisted of me compromising my dreams and needs in order to keep him happy. So now we live in the same city and work in the same industry. The universe must think it’s so funny!
I still think about both of them and I still find myself caring about their lives. I wonder if they’re happy and I do want the best for them. Every now and then I get the urge to keep in touch, but then I remember I’m now in a healthy, solid relationship and thus I refrain. This is partly out of respect for my new partner and partly because I know it’s not healthy for my psyche.
Either way you look at it, dealing with exes is never easy. But I guess it’s all part of the process. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
I agree with devastator….your methodology is a tad harsh.
I have no idea how old you are…but you are immature….even if your 50. The older you get…I am 61… The more you value relationships. ANY relationship…because by this decade you may have lost both parents, have lost touch …accidentally with old colleagues, neighbors and so forth…because a lot of us were busy being married, raising children and attending kids school functions. Your ex lovers may be the best relationship(s) you will likely ever have in the future. So tossing them out and donating them to Goodwill may not give you any regrets now, but trust me, friendships will be even more important as life goes on. Plus Karma can be a bitch….
If you think of your ex as an “old sweater”, then it sounds like he is better off without a woman that values him so little, as to simply “toss him out or donate him to someone else”. I certainly hope your current “windbreaker” is more comfortable with your views on a man’s lack of humanity in your eyes. Maybe you should write an article about how little people value each other and relationships in general these days. They have become disposable, as you clearly stated.